What Are You Waiting For?
by animecrazychick
Summary: Light has his memories, and feelings for L. Can he really stop his mission to become God for love? He decides he would, if L shows him that love is actually what it is. How long can Light deal with the possibility of having to kill L? How long until he decides it just isn't going anywhere? But, things might - just might - change if Light makes the first move.
1. If Only

"Light," L said, sounding just ever so slightly confused, "You have a call on your private line, and it's not from a family member. Is there anyone else who you've given this number to?"

"A few people from school," Light told him, "And why are you monitoring the calls coming in on a phone that you've practically confiscated from me? If I were Kira, I'd have been careful not to have any accomplices call that number."

"I suppose you're right," L murmured, "But I'll ask that you take the call."

Light took the phone from L's outstretched hand and pressed "talk".

"Hello?" he asked tentatively. He didn't have a lot of friends who called him.

"Light!" he recognized his friend Makoto's voice. He was probably the best friend he had, but that wasn't saying much.

"Uh, hey Makoto," Light stuttered, "What's up?"

"It's about the band," he started, but Light cut him off.

"My musical career is over, and I've told you that. I'm not singing for you," he said flatly.

"I know, and I totally respect your decision on that," Makoto agreed, "But we're out of musical inspiration. Could write us a song?"

"Makoto, I -"

"Please?" Makoto begged through the phone. Light could practically see the puppy dog eyes his face undoubtedly held. Light looked to L, and he shrugged, signifying engaging in the activity would be fine.

"I'll see what I can come up with," Light resigned.

"Yes!" Makoto exclaimed into the phone, "Light, you're a lifesaver! I owe you so much! Whatever you ask for, I'll give it."

Light sensed the slightly seductive tone in his voice, and thought it best to cut off the conversation quickly.

"Okay, well I'm going to go get started," he said smoothly, "See you."

"Yeah, bye!"

Light sighed and closed his phone. Honestly, did the words 'one night stand' hold any meaning for him? He had his own problems to deal with. Being God, for example. Or rather, not wanting to be God. He looked over at L. He thought again for the hundredth time about revealing his feelings, but he shut out the thought.

"It appears that they've booked the school's auditorium on the eighteenth," L told him, "I assume you would like to attend."

"Don't waste your time looking up ways to enhance my social life," Light pinched the bridge of his nose, "Work on the case, Ryuuzaki."

"I was thinking of attending as well, that's why I looked," L said simply. Light stared at him in disbelief.

"You're going to the show?" he asked, completely dumbfounded.

"I'd like to see a demonstration of your musical talents," L told him, turning back to his computer screen.

"I don't think it'll be all that interesting," Light insisted, "My talents as far as music goes are a bit out of practice. I really don't think it's worth your time."

"Don't be so modest Light," Soichiro approached them, "You've always had a gift for singing, and you can read sheet music like it's a book -"

"Dad," Light stopped him. It was the first time in his life he'd ever been so embarrassed he actually blushed.

"Modesty becomes you," L commented, "Although it is completely unnecessary in your case."

Light's blush deepened. Matsuda snickered. Light turned back to his computer and purposely ignored everyone at taskforce headquarters for the rest of the day. Near the end of the day, Light found his eyelids drooping with each passing minute.

"Do you need more coffee?" L asked, looking over at his half asleep companion.

Light nodded. However, before he received his coffee, he fainted from the exhaustion of saying up for weeks on end with no sleep.

"Light!"

L and Soichiro were next to him almost instantly, and the others held their breath.

"L, he doesn't need coffee," Watari said, approaching them, "He needs rest."

L looked to Watari and back to Light, who seemed perfectly content to remain unconscious.

"I'll take him upstairs," L conceded, and lifted Light off the floor.

"You can carry him that far?" Matsuda blurt.

"I'm a lot stronger than I look," L told him, rather proud that he was able to show off his hidden muscle mass. With that, he stood up with Light still in his arms, and headed towards the bedrooms on the second floor. He was about to enter one, when he had a very strange thought. In any case, he decided to act on it. Once he reached the seventh floor he entered his own bedroom and lay Light across the bed.

"Kira, you don't look like a mass murderer when you sleep," L murmured. Light shifted in his sleep and wrapped his arms around himself.

"You're cold?" L asked, pulling the covers out from under him and wrapping them around Light's sleeping form.

"You know, I wish there was some way to make you stop," L told his unconscious companion, "I don't want you to die, and a face like yours doesn't belong behind bars."

Light went on sleeping.

"Is there any way for you to stop it?" L asked, "Or has your plan to kill me already gotten that far?"

L's knees were shaking.

"I don't want to die, Light," he whispered, "I wish you would stop pretending and tell me how I can help you stop."

"Are there cameras?" Light mumbled sleepily.

"No," L said honestly.

"Then shut up and hold me," Light muttered, "That'd be a good start."

"Is this a confession?" L asked.

"No," Light growled, "It's an order."

L sighed at his stubbornness, but moved next to him and draped his arm over Light's body. To his surprise, Light rolled over and buried his face in L's chest.

"I don't want you to die either," Light whispered. L just sighed and held him tighter. Light tilted his head just so, to keep his tears from making contact with L's shirt.

_What if I really did stop it? Is he lying? I wish he would just make a move and let me know. If he gave his trust to me, he wouldn't have to die. I could tell him everything. What is he waiting for?_

L wouldn't let himself fall asleep, but he was brought to a sudden awareness when he felt Light shivering next to him. L held him tighter, and felt the sweat that was forming on the back of Light's neck. L was momentarily confused. Why would Light be shivering if he was sweating? L only had one scenario in his mind that would make sense. He lay his hand on Light's forehead, confirming his suspicion. Light was burning up. L reached over and paged Watari.

His companion felt him moving, and woke up. He instantly felt terrible. Light pulled the covers tighter around himself in a failed attempt to make himself warmer.

"Ryuuzaki…" Light murmured, as he was caught in a renewed fit of shivering. L hugged him.

"You're sick, Light," he told him. Light suddenly moved away from L and hugged himself as he continued shivering.

"Light, what…" L reached out, but Light scooted further away.

"You'll catch it," he croaked. L smiled and moved his arms around Light.

"There's nothing you can give me that I can't deal with," he murmured. Light knew he wasn't just talking about his sickness. He was telling him that he would be okay if Light were to tell him that he were Kira - tell him the truth. Light's train of thought was interrupted by the discomfort that came with a sudden coughing fit. His entire frame was wracked with his body's efforts at cleaning the sickness from his throat. L held him tighter and rubbed his back in comforting circles.

Watari entered the room and immediately analyzed the situation.

"Does he have a fever?" he asked.

"Undoubtedly," L informed him, nodding once.

Watari took a deep breath.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, glancing at Light's shivering form pressed against L's body.

"For now," L murmured, "We'll just give him pain medication. If he does not improve within a day or so, or if he gets worse, we'll call in one of my private doctors."

Watari nodded, and left to retrieve the Advil from their private storage.

"Are you going to be okay?" L asked, looking down at Light, who had curled up even more than he himself did. Light nodded weakly, and grasped lightly at L's shirt. It scared L for a moment, to think that the Light Yagami he'd come to think of as the strongest person he'd ever met was grasping so weakly against his shirt. A small child had more strength than he did at the moment. L reminded himself that it was Light's mind he'd come to think of as strong, not his body. Light was not a god, no matter how hard he might try to be. Light moaned.

"Shh…" L murmured. It dawned on him how much Light must hate this, rendered helpless by something as human as a fever. For someone trying to achieve the levels Light had in mind, it was demeaning.

Light clung to L, wishing the pain away. How had he let this happen? He hadn't left headquarters, and he hadn't noticed anyone there being sick. He had what was probably the world's best immune system, and even when he did get sick, it was never to this extent. He had a thought of L catching it again, and he hated himself for letting L hold him. He thought of L coughing, being bedridden. It brought on a wave of nausea. He realized that he hadn't caught this fever. He'd brought it on himself, along with the stress of killing L.

Killing L.

L dying.

L falling to the ground, lifeless.

Light fell off the bed and shoved his head into the trashcan just soon enough to throw up.


	2. Falling Barriers

L carded through Light's sweat dampened hair as he slept. Light's mouth was open, taking in the air he couldn't through his stuffed up nose. L knew his throat would be sore when he woke up, but it was either that or Light stopped breathing. It was an obvious decision. L didn't know why letting Light get a sore throat made him feel upset. He didn't feel guilty, because he knew Light needed to rest, and there was no other way for him to breathe while he did. However, for some reason, L was upset by it. Seeing Light in pain made his chest hurt. Light started coughing again. L rubbed his back, hoping that small comfort would allow Light to sleep through it.

"Ryuuzaki," Watari said through the doorway. L turned to acknowledge his presence.

"The case remains unsolved," he started, "And the taskforce is enough to move it along, but not enough to get it started again."

"Yes, as you've said, the case is at a standstill," L said, turning back to Light, "And it will stay that way until new evidence is uncovered. My assistance would be meaningless. Where I am needed most is here."

Watari sighed. He knew what was going on, probably better than L did.

"What will you do if Light turns out to be Kira?" he asked suddenly.

"That depends on what manner his guilt was revealed in," L said slowly, choosing his words carefully, "For instance, if it were to become obvious enough that the NPA was aware, it would be completely out of my hands."

"So, if the NPA did find out, what would you do?" Watari prompted.

L sighed, considering it a moment, "I'd cry."

Watari didn't want to think about L crying, so instead he asked, "And what if you were the only person who knew? What would you do then?"

L lowered his head closer to Light, so Watari couldn't see his face and said, "I'd turn him in."

"Look me in the eyes and say that," Watari challenged.

L turned and faced Watari, with pain filled eyes, and said in a very quiet voice, "I can't."

Watari sighed, and was about to scold L, when he was struck with the pure irony of it. He only partially contained the chuckle that built inside him. L eyed him skeptically.

"I'm sorry, it's just," Watari managed to compose himself, "Of all the people you could've fallen in love with, it had to be the leading suspect in the biggest case of your career."

L's eyes widened, "'Fallen in love with'?"

"Don't tell me that when you look at him you don't feel something," Watari smiled warmly, knowing this was L's first time experiencing those feelings. He wondered if L would accept them.

L turned and looked at Light for a moment, and then his and touched his chest, where he felt an unfamiliar warmth. The warmth was new, but pleasant.

_Love? That's what this is? Well, now I can see why people cherish it. I wouldn't give up this feeling for the world. I never put words to it, but yes, I suppose Watari is right. I am in love with Light Yagami. Now the question holds, what should I do about it? Depending on his reaction, any action I take could end badly for everyone. Acknowledging these feelings is probably as far as it will get._

"Yes," L turned and looked at Watari, "I love him very much."

Watari smiled, and left the room. L turned back to Light and started carding through his hair again.

"Light," he sighed, knowing that even if Light was awake, it would be pointless, "If you would just be honest with me, I could save you. I'm waiting for you to tell me this, but eventually I'll have to test the thirteen day rule. I'm doing everything I can, Light, but I can't do this all by myself."

Light coughed again, and this time it woke him almost instantly.

"How are you feeling?" L asked.

Light didn't respond, but swallowed. A look of pain momentarily crossed his face.

"I'll make tea," L murmured, crossing the room. He made two cups, and he felt himself feeling he was wasting perfectly good tea for not putting any sugar in Light's cup.

Light gladly accepted the tea, and after a few sips, he asked, "Have you left at all?"

L shook his head.

"Don't you want to work on the case?" Light managed, taking another sip of tea.

"No," L told him, "I'm afraid you'll be caught if I do."

Light gazed into L's eyes, and he could almost see the sincerity they held in their inky depths.

"You should at least get up and walk a while," Light reasoned, "You've been in here since I got sick."

"I'd worry you were in need of my help if I left," L stated. Light stared at him. He didn't seem upset, but his words said otherwise.

"Why don't you ever show emotions?" Light asked him. L stared at him a moment.

"I find it difficult to acknowledge my emotions," L told him.

"Are they painful?" Light asked. He wanted to understand the man, and what kind of person he was.

"Yes," L answered. Light felt a twinge of sorrow for him. He couldn't help wondering what kind of past would produce a person like L.

"When you said I was your first friend…" Light trailed off, hoping he'd gotten his point across, as he took another sip of his tea.

"I meant it with every fiber of my being," L said.

"But, what about when you were little? Didn't you have friends then?" Light asked, his voice renewed once again.

"I was little at some point," L murmured, "But I do not recall ever being a child. I was forced to grow up at a very early age."

"What are your parents like?" Light inquired. L's stomach clenched.

_I doubt their ashes are even left. But, Light, they were wonderful. They would've loved you._

"Ryuuzaki?" Light sat up a bit.

_Light, can't you please just hold me and tell me it's okay?_

"Are you okay?" Light asked, putting his hand over L's.

"No," L said.

"Were your parents abusive?" Light asked.

"No!" L exclaimed, his eyes widening. Light was taken aback. He'd never seen L show such raw emotion before. L was taken with a sudden urge to cry. He refused to show anything else to Light, and he refused to blink in order to keep the tears from actually falling. They eventually welled up enough that they fell anyway. L turned his head, but Light could still tell. L was crying. L, with his monotonous expression, was crying. He wasn't shaking, or taking deep breaths, yet his eyes overflowed with the turmoil he was keeping so well hidden. It had never struck Light as to just how much L refused to show. He wondered if L was actually in constant pain, and he just didn't know it.

"I'm sorry," Light tried, but L shook his head violently.

"No, it's not your fault. You have no way of knowing," he murmured.

"You can talk to me, you know?" Light tried again. L looked at him. His heart was aching, and he wanted nothing more than for Light to hold him and make it better.

"My parents, they…" L trailed off, feeling that he wouldn't able to contain sobs much longer.

"L?" Light forgot to use his false name, and that sent L over the edge.

"They're gone, Light," L gazed into his eyes, allowing his self control to die out, "My parents are dead."

With that, L flung himself into Light's arms, and allowed himself to cry. Light held him, trying not to cry at the revelation himself.

"God, Light, I miss them so much," he sobbed. Light held him as tight as he felt was reasonable. He rubbed his back, letting him cry it out. L needed this.

"It's okay, it's okay," Light repeated in L's ear, trying to comfort him. L eventually stopped crying and just let Light hold him. L slowly moved so that he could wipe the tears from his face.

"Sorry," L whispered, "That outburst was pathetic."

"No," Light shook his head, "You are the strongest person I've ever met. You've undergone a hardship that would make gods cry. Don't think for one second that missing your parents is weakness."

L embraced Light shamelessly, and Light did the same. Then, L did the last thing he expected of himself. He slept.

L awoke to Light scribbling on a yellow notepad.

"What're you…" L managed to put two and two together, even in his sleepiness, "The song?"

"Yeah," Light said absently, "I shouldn't slack off, otherwise Naoki and Makoto will never let me hear the end of it."

"How's it coming?" L asked, settling into Light's side.

"Okay," Light said, "But this one bit's a little off tempo…"

L smiled as Light began making violent motions with the eraser. He didn't know why, but watching Light write music was almost funny. L had always known Light to be talented as far as deduction went, but he had never thought about the other aspects of his character. He wondered if Light really was as good of a singer as he'd been led to believe.

"Light?" L looked up at him.

"What?" Light asked, directing his attention to L.

"Will you sing for me?" L inquired. Light stared at him a moment.

"What do you want me to sing?" he asked eventually.

"Whatever you feel like singing," L murmured. Light sighed and thought for a moment. He placed his notepad on the bedside table, and took a long drink of the tea on the coaster, although it had long since cooled.

"Nemuru anata wa kanashisou de," Light started. L pieced together the lyrics into English as he went.

_You look so sad as you sleep._

"Warui yume demo miteru you da," Light sang on. L could've fallen asleep to the beautiful way the words slid off his tongue.

_As though you're having a bad dream._

"How do I live without you?" Light flawlessly transferred languages.

"Anata to iu sora no naka boku dake wo tojikomete," Light passed back into Japanese. L turned his translation through in his mind.

_The sky that I named after you only entraps me._

"Itsuka mita aozora wo sagasezu ni nageku kedo…"

_I grieve without even searching for the blue skies I once saw._

"Hito wa minna sora no naka jiyuu to iu kago no naka…"

_Everyone is trapped in the sky within a cage they call "freedom"._

"Hoshi no nai yoru no sora yuku ate mo mienai me de samayou."

_Under the starless night sky, I wander without a glimpse of where I'm heading._

"That was nice," L commented. Light looked at him, and realized that his singing really was being appraised. L just didn't know how to show his appreciation. Light smiled at him.

"Thank you," he said.


	3. Painfully Outmatched

Light pulled on his sweatshirt before he even got the finished draft of the song printed out. He felt a lot better, but he still wasn't about to go outside in the middle of October without a jacket.

"May I come with you?"

Light almost jumped out of his skin when he heard L's voice from behind him.

"Don't scare me like that," Light said exasperatedly.

"That was not my intention," L told him, "But you have failed to answer my question."

Light took a moment to weigh the pros and cons, and said, "Yeah, sure, I guess."

L shrugged. Light gathered up the song and stuck it in a folder. He was almost out the door when he turned and faced L.

"It's cold out. Don't you want to get a jacket?"

"Unless it is cold enough to keep me from functioning properly, I see no need to," L said. Light sighed, resigned to the fact that he might have to lend L his sweatshirt, and the two of them left the building. When they arrived at To-Oh, Makoto almost ran headlong into Light.

"Where have you been, man?" he asked, attempting to go in for a hug, which Light pointedly avoided. Naoki approached cautiously, being sure to note the glare Makoto was receiving from Light's companion.

"Did you get the song?" Naoki asked, hoping he could relieve the tension that Makoto was promptly ignoring.

"Yes," Light said, handing him the folder, "And you can play it if, and only if, you let me sing it."

In response to this comment, Light received three flabbergasted stares.

"I actually put a lot into this," Light said, trying to account for his sudden revived interest in the musical arts. Makoto and Naoki passed it off as a blessing from heaven above.

"What do you mean if?" Makoto burst, "If I'd thought I had even the slightest chance to get you to sing for us, I'd have been on my knees begging a long time ago!"

Makoto flung his arms around Light before he could move out of the way. L felt a churning feeling in the pit of his stomach, which was accompanied by an burning desire to kick Makoto in the head. L actually took a step forward to do just that, before he got himself under control. Naoki didn't let it pass, however, as he couldn't help feeling that Light's friend could be dangerous. He pried Makoto off of Light, and hoped desperately that it would just stop there. Makoto gave him a questioning look, and Naoki nodded towards L.

"You have a problem?" Makoto spat at him.

"Several, but you must be extremely arrogant to think one of them pertains to you," L said smoothly. Light swallowed. He'd foreseen potential embarrassment, but he hadn't planned on this. Why couldn't Makoto just get over him?

"You homophobic or something?" Makoto challenged.

"I assure you that is not the case," L told him. He'd balled his hands into fists within the depths of his pockets.

"What, do you think you have some sort of claim over Light?" he growled.

"Light is not to be claimed by anybody. He does not belong to anyone," L retorted.

"You've got no chance with him," Makoto smiled cruelly, "I've known Light a while, and he's not big into doing charity work."

Now it was Light's turn to ball his hands into fists.

"That would explain why he attempts to avoid contact with you," L replied coolly. Makoto rushed him. Naoki and Light both moved to stop him, but not before his fist collided with L's face. L flew backward onto the concrete.

Light kicked him in the gut.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Light spat at him. Naoki stared at him. He'd never seen Light that angry. Makoto stood up, but Naoki held him back. They both watched as Light stooped down next to L.

"You could've taken your ring off," L grumbled, sitting up. His hand was pressed against his eye.

"Let me see," Light soothed, prying his hand away. His eye was watering, and there was a small cut just above it.

"It just stings a bit," L assured him.

"See if he likes you as much with a black eye!" Makoto spat.

Light turned to him and yelled, "Fuck off!"

Several bystanders stopped whispering and just gaped at Light for saying something so vulgar.

"You owe me so much for this," Makoto growled.

"I owe you?" Light muttered, standing up again, "You always did need help with the concept of logic."

"Why don't you sing another song at the concert?" Naoki asked, hoping it could resolve the conflict.

"I'll do it if he keeps his mouth shut," Light growled.

Makoto cast one last glare at L before he nodded and muttered, "Fine."

"Great!" Naoki smiled, "Through Yours Eyes is probably the best vocal, don't you think?"

"Uh, yeah," Makoto said absently.

"Hey, do you play piano?" Naoki suddenly turned to L.

"Like a five year old with no experience," L answered. Naoki laughed. L decided that he liked Naoki a lot better than Makoto. Light smiled at the exchange. He was glad L was at least making an effort.

"Sorry, you've just got a look about you that says 'I play piano'."

"Maybe I should learn," L murmured.

"Light could teach you," Naoki suggested. L was suddenly reminded that his days with Light could be in the single digits.

"Could you, Light?" L asked, turning to Light.

"If there's ever a piano to teach you on, yeah," Light told him, "But first we should put ice on that."

"That won't be necessary," L insisted.

"Well, here," Naoki said, pulling a small first aid kit out of he backpack, "At least put a Band-Aid on the cut."

"You carry a first aid kit around with you?" L inquired.

"Yeah," Naoki told him, handing him a butterfly bandage, "This happens more often than I'd care to admit."

"That makes sense," L admitted, unpeeling the paper around the bandage. He then expertly located the cut despite not being able to see it and put it on.

"Ow," he complained quietly. Light watched Naoki helping L clean up the blood and was hit with another wave of nausea.

_Blood. L's blood. L is bleeding._

"Light?" Makoto saw his demeanor change. Light sat on the ground trying to get it under control. L rushed to his side and put a hand on his back.

"Is there a school nurse?" L asked.

"First door on the right in that building," Naoki pointed.

"Can you make it that far?" L asked quietly. Light nodded, although he really wasn't sure he could. L helped him up, and Light put his weight on him gratefully.

"What's wrong with him?" Makoto asked, walking alongside them with Naoki hot on his heels.

"He's been sick for a while," L said, "He's been getting better. I don't know what brought this on."

Makoto considered, "Maybe it was seeing us fighting?"

"That is a definite possibility," L murmured, rounding the corner into the nurse's office. L eased him into a chair and Makoto grabbed the garbage can out of the corner and put it next to him.

"I never thought I'd see the day," the nurse said quietly.

"Has he been throwing up?" Naoki asked.

"Sometimes," L answered.

"This was not a recent development?" the nurse asked, getting to her feet.

"No, he's been sick a while," L told her. The nurse retrieved her thermometer and ran it across Light's forehead.

"Bit of a temperature," she muttered, "Do you think you'll actually throw up?"

Light shook his head no.

"What have you been doing lately?" she tried.

"Nothing really," Light murmured.

"Have you been keeping up with your medication?" she asked.

Light jumped a little.

"Isn't that a violation of privacy?" he asked quietly. L stared at him. Why hadn't he known that?

"Just answer her," Naoki said, "Nobody here is going to judge you."

Light looked at all three of them in turn, and turned back to the nurse.

"No, not really," he murmured.

"Do you think this is stress induced?" the nurse reprimanded. Light just nodded.

"I'm calling your dad to pick you up," the nurse said, turning towards her phone.

"No!" Light burst.

"I can drive you," Naoki offered, seeming to come to the same conclusion L had. Light didn't want to his dad to know. L nodded.

"Light's been staying with me, I'll tell you how to get there," he said.

"I can just walk back," Light tried.

"Yes you can, but I won't let you," L told him. Light sighed in defeat.


	4. Different Judgments

Naoki dropped them off in front of L's family's "home run business". Light practically ran into the building, and L bolted in after him. Light turned to go to the room he and L had been staying in, but his father stopped him short.

"Light, we need to talk," he told him. Light felt his stomach twist. He didn't want this to happen in front of the taskforce.

"I believe Light would be more comfortable if you did that in private," L commented. Light silently thanked him. Soichiro said nothing, but simply turned and walked into a side room. L followed Light after him. Light sat down in one of the chairs and stared intently at the floor. L stood in the corner.

"I got a call from your school nurse," Soichiro started, "She said you haven't been keeping up with your medication. Is that true?"

"Dad, I'm sorry, I-"

"Is that true?"

"Yes," Light whispered.

"Why?"

"I just… thought I was above it," Light murmured.

_I get it. He didn't think he needed it because he was trying to become a god._

"You know you can't function without it," Soichiro growled, "And as much as I hate talking about this -"

"Why, because it puts a stain on your perfect son's record?!" Light shouted, "Sorry, Dad, but even I'm not perfect! I try to be, but I'm not! So sorry I couldn't be the ideal son you wanted!"

"Light, don't blame this on me!"

"Why not?" Light spat, "I stopped because I was trying to be perfect for you!"

Soichiro grabbed Light's arm and yelled, "Light, you have a mental disorder! You can't just leave that as it is!"

"I've got a sick bastard of a father, and you seem perfectly content to leave that as it is!"

Soichiro pulled his arm back, but L caught it on the backswing.

"That will not be necessary," L said quietly, "I'll ask that you think before you act, Mr. Yagami. I believe this conversation is over."

L grabbed Light's hand and dragged him from the room. The taskforce stared at them as they walked past, but L kept going until they were in his room.

"Ryuuzaki, I -"

"Light, did you honestly believe I would think any less of you because you have a mental disorder?" L asked, turning to him, "If anything, it raises my opinion of you."

"Huh?" Light asked.

"To have achieved all that you have while sustaining any kind of disorder is beyond even myself," L told him, smiling, "Light, you are the most incredible person I have ever met."

Light stared at him. No one had ever spoken to him like that before. Sayu made fun of him for it, and his parents tried to pretend it didn't exist. How could somebody think higher of him for it?

"Do you really think that?" Light asked after a while.

L smiled and said, "If I didn't, I wouldn't have said it."

Light flung his arms around L. He didn't know why, he just did. L returned the embrace for a while, and then pulled out of it.

"I never would have known," L commented, "You always seemed fine."

"Manic depression," Light whispered, "I'm not surprised you couldn't tell."

"That would make sense, though," L muttered.

"I'm not Kira," Light said.

"Light, please," L sighed, "I'm not asking you to confess, but please, at least just stop denying it. I hate it when you lie to me. I hate it."

Light didn't respond, but L knew he had silently agreed. Light broke the silence by coughing into his elbow.

"Get some rest," L murmured.

Light nodded and continued coughing.

"You enjoy being hard on yourself, don't you?" L muttered, pushing him towards the bed.

"You make me sound like I'm into self harm or something," Light said, getting under the covers gratefully, "Jeez, and I just ironed this shirt."

"Why not change out of it?" L suggested. Light felt his face heat.

"No, that's okay," he squeaked. L sighed.

"I've seen you without a shirt on before," L said slowly.

"I told you to look away!" Light burst.

"I did when you took your pants off…" L defended himself.

"Someone should give you a medal," Light muttered under his breath. He suddenly looked up. Had L just… chuckled?

"You should get some sleep," L smiled, tilting his head into it, causing his hair to bounce with the motion. Light was awestruck by it.

Once he was asleep, L went downstairs to talk to Soichiro about getting Light his medication from the local pharmacy. After Soichiro had gone to do just that, L made his way back upstairs. He watched Light sleeping, occasionally moving from one side to the other. L watched as Light's eyes flew back and forth behind his closed eyelids.

I wonder what he's dreaming about.

Light's eyebrows drew closer together. L watched as his gentle tossing and turning became more decided. Light made a soft noise that upset L terribly. He reached over and shook Light awake. Light blinked and looked up at him. Light frowned and grabbed a handful of L's shirt, holding onto it tightly.

"It's a good reason to forfeit sleep," L murmured, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Light shook his head. He didn't want to even think about it.

"Ryuuzaki?" Light asked, "What would you… if I… Ryuuzaki, would you ever kill… let me die?"

"I'd not only never let you die, but I would fight against it until the end, Light. I would die before you. There is no alternative to that," L told him. Light stared at him.

"How do I know that's true?" Light asked.

"You don't," L said, "The only way to know is to trust me."

"How can I trust someone who doesn't trust me?" Light asked, staring into his eyes.

"Only once I know that all you need to kill me is my name, I'll give it to you," L told him, staring into his eyes. Light knew he couldn't say this, but if L did tell him his name, he would stop being Kira altogether. He would not taint that kind of trust.

"Light, may I ask you a personal question?" L asked, and almost instantly regretted it. He had no idea how to phrase it. How to ask such a question without offending Light was almost impossible.

"It depends," Light said slowly, "You may certainly ask, but I will not promise an answer."

"That is reasonable," L said, "However, I am having second thoughts about asking you."

"I won't get mad," Light promised him.

"Very well," L conceded, "I was wondering if what Makoto suggested about his sexuality pertains to you as well as him."

"Why?" Light asked slowly.

"He seemed to think of you in a way that you did not seem comfortable with. I was wondering if it was him or you," L murmured.

"I guess it was him," Light muttered. He figured it was the best way to tell him without actually saying it.

"What about you?" Light asked, looking L in the eyes.

"I have never felt romantically inclined towards a female," L said carefully.

"And a male?" Light prompted.

"Once," L said.

"Oh," Light muttered, "Do I know him?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out," L said sadly.

"I don't have two personalities," Light muttered.

"Well that's good to know," L said.

"Would you please just stop speaking in code and tell me how you feel?" Light begged.

"I'm not accustomed to doing that," L murmured.

"Please?" Light said again.

"I don't how to properly word something such as feelings," L told him.

"Try," Light prompted.

L sighed.

_Should I just tell him forwardly that I have feelings for him? There are so many things that could go wrong…_

"Light, I don't know if there could be any benefit from telling you, but there are so many ways it could go wrong," L sighed.

"I refuse to judge you or take any negative action towards you based on what you say," Light promised. L could tell he meant it.

"Very well, but I will hold you to it," L sighed, "I have feelings for Light Yagami, and I believe that he is Kira. I am confused and upset because I don't even want to think of him being caught and put to justice being an option. I feel guilty for not being the person everyone I know expects me to be. I feel angry because I can't get a confession and take action based on it. I need to help you, Light, but I don't know how to do that if you won't let me. I am also upset because we could never have any kind of relationship. If I tried and you didn't like the idea, you would probably just speed up your plan to kill me, which I believe is already in action. And, even if by some miracle you did return my feelings, I would not be adequate as a partner for someone as socially inclined as you."

"L, I'm perfectly fine with you trying to have a relationship with me," Light told him, smiling reassuringly.

"You'd regret it," L insisted, "Light, I'm a social retard."

Light chuckled at his use of the term.

"Don't get down on yourself so much," Light told him, "You just have to learn."

"And who would be willing to teach me such a thing?" L raised and invisible eyebrow.

"Me," Light said, and sat up straighter, "I will be your social coach for all intents and purposes."


	5. Comfort Zone

"I don't think it will work," L frowned slightly.

"The case isn't going anywhere, and we need something to fill our time," Light prompted, "This is perfect."

"An interesting word to describe it," L muttered. Light chuckled.

"How about we just give it try?" Light suggested, "And if I think you're hopeless, we can stop."

L pouted minutely, which Light marveled at while it lasted, until L said, "Very well. But, it is still ridiculously early in the morning, and I would recommend you go back to sleep."

"I'm not tired anymore," Light said. L sighed and pushed him into a lying down position.

"You have to sleep, Light," L said, giving him a look. Light nodded, and closed his eyes. L sighed, and once he thought Light was asleep, he buried his head in his hands.

"I wish you knew how beautiful you are when you sleep," L whispered, "Just beautiful. A gigantic pain in my ass, granted, but beautiful."

With that he stood up and left the room, leaving Light to smile widely about what he'd just heard.

L made his way downstairs, and met up with Soichiro Yagami on the ground floor.

"Ryuuzaki, I acted rashly earlier," he said tiredly, "And I'm sorry for making you get involved. I should have held my composure."

"There is nothing to apologize for," L told him bluntly, "It was the first time Light has ever done anything that could be considered a misconduct. It is only natural that you would not know how to react."

Soichiro was ashamed to have this said to him by L of all people.

"I am still regretful of the actions I took," he said, attempting to maintain a bit of his dignity.

"Which is understandable," L said, "But I have to ask you if you ran the errand I asked of you."

"Oh, his… yes, I got it," he muttered. L sighed. No wonder Light had wanted to quit taking them. His father treated his condition like something he was ashamed of having anything to do with. L had half a mind to tell him just that, but the other half reminded him to stay on Soichiro's good side. Soichiro broke his train of thought by handing him a small paper bag that had been stapled together. L could feel the weight of a small pill bottle inside, but he took note that Soichiro hadn't bothered to take it out of the bag. L sighed in annoyance. Light's father didn't even want to touch the bottle, for crying out loud. He made a show of ripping the bag open and taking the medicine out of it. He then handed the bag to Soichiro. L decided that if a court of law could see the scene, they would find Soichiro Yagami guilty of creating Kira and let Light of stock free.

L marched back upstairs and into his bedroom. Light had actually fallen asleep at that point, although L had thought he'd been asleep for longer. L walked into the adjoining bathroom and poured a small glass of water. He left that and one small pill on the bedside table where he knew Light would find them in the morning. He sighed and looked over at said teen.

"I'm so sorry you had to be like this," L murmured, "You were expected to be perfect and nobody supported you."

L gently carded through Light's hair and went on, "I would've supported you, if I'd known you. I wish I had. You must have been so much happier until you were forced to grow up. I was the same. Happy, and then I had to grow up. It's hard when you don't have support from your family, isn't it?"

L sighed again and sat down on the bed next to Light, wrapping his arms around him. Light unconsciously snuggled closer to L's body heat. L smiled hugely, not even attempting to hide how he felt about the brunet.

"I love you," he murmured, and then smirked, "It's too bad I can't say that while you're conscious."

L stayed there, perfectly content to watch Light as he slept. When he noticed the first rays of sun peeking over the tops of the buildings, he stood and walked over to sit on the windowsill. The beautiful pinks and oranges created on the clouds by the morning sun bounced around the room, waking Light in what was probably the most pleasant manner to be woken.

He blinked the sleep away, and stretched contentedly.

"Would you like something to eat?" L asked him. Light rolled over and looked at him, silhouetted against the vibrant colors of the sunrise.

_It makes you wonder if fallen angels exist…_

"I don't know," Light answered, a smile spreading onto his face, "What do we have?"

L thought for a moment, before answering with a simple, "Everything."

Light chuckled. L stood and walked over to him, and sat down in his usual position on the bed. L assumed Light wouldn't want to exchange any words about it, so L merely nodded towards the bedside table. He turned and saw the little blue pill and glass of water. Light sighed and repeated the drill he'd gotten so used to not doing. L nodded his approval.

"So how about breakfast?" he prompted.

"Eggs?" Light suggested. L grimaced slightly, but sent for Watari all the same.

"I don't understand why you like that sort of thing," L muttered.

"That reminds me," Light smirked, "Your LINSR training starts today."

"You made up an acronym for it?" L scoffed.

"I have too much free time," Light answered.

"What does it stand for?" L asked skeptically.

"L is not socially retarded," Light said.

"I think you need more free time," L told him. Light laughed.

"Well," Light said, "Until I'm feeling up to anything extremely social, how about we just work on behavior?"

"I do not want to do this," L grumbled.

Light simply smiled, not giving L any time to react to what he was about to do. Without warning, Light kicked L's legs out from underneath him, causing L to fall on his butt.

"What was that for?" L huffed, going to put his legs up against his chest again.

"Nuh, uh," Light laughed, leaning forward and forcing L into a normal sitting position, "This is the first step to behaving in a social manner. The rest of the population goes without the supposed additional forty percent of deduction sitting like that provides."

"It only works for people with extremely low pressure," L argued, "And not everyone is so dependant on deduction."

"That's another thing," Light told him, "You shouldn't analyze every action people take. It makes them feel like you're invading their privacy. You shouldn't act like that unless it's someone you suspect in a case."

L huffed, and he felt his thighs starting to feel uncomfortable in the new position. The newfound good posture that inevitably accompanied his current position was stating to make his back hurt too.

"Light, this is uncomfortable," L told him, sending him a pleading look that made Light's heart race. He averted his gaze to hide the blush that insisted on rising to his cheeks. He watched through his hair as L absently began to kneed at the knots in his neck that he had been happy to ignore.

"Lie on your stomach," Light told him, trying to shut off the part of his brain that was screaming at him. L eyed him suspiciously.

"Why?" he asked, raising an invisible eyebrow.

"I'll give you a back rub," Light murmured, "Then you'll try sitting like that again."

L nodded once, accepting Light's motives for what they actually were. With that, he obediently lay down, exposing his still clothed back to Light. Light took a moment to marvel at how open L was being with him. He wondered idly how many people L would be willing to expose his back to. Light wordlessly began to knead at L's surprisingly tense shoulders.

"No wonder you were in pain," Light muttered.

"I don't have time to indulge in many self comforts," L murmured, attempting to conceal the bliss that was growing from Light's hands pressing on the knots in his back.

"Is that why you eat so many sweets?" Light asked, smirking at the thought.

"They help make up for the pain," L said slowly, trying not to reveal anything to the ever perceptive boy.

"Physical or emotional?" Light whispered, not sure if he wanted to know.

"Both," L told him just as quietly.

"I'm sorry," Light said, his eyes softening.

"It's not your fault," L muttered, looking intently at the wall.

"It is in part," Light murmured, "I just wish there was some way I could give you all the answers to the questions."

"You can answer one of them," L whispered.

"I can't," Light sighed.

"I know," L said, looking up at him, "I just wish I could take action on what I already know."

"Why can't you?" Light found himself asking.

"I have to trust you first," L told him, "Otherwise I won't know how to feel about those actions."

"How about a trade?" Light suggested hopefully, "My trust for yours."

"Hm," L smiled minutely, "Is that what you want?"

Light nodded.

"Then, let me ask you this," L turned to him, "Who would give their trust first?"

Light stopped his actions as he considered what had just been said.

"If I tell you my name, you can kill me," L sighed, turning to bury his head in the pillows again, "If you tell me you are Kira, I can have you arrested. The only way one of us is going to give our trust is if we are sure the other won't back out."

* * *

**Author's Note: Hello all. I deeply hope you enjoyed this chapter. I have to admit, I thought I'd already posted it. I had it done a while ago. Heh. Please don't fatally wound me. I'll get the next chapter up soon. I'm sorry if I've angered anyone. I'm very happy with the feedback this story is getting, and I would love to hear all your opinions! I love you all! You make me feel special! **


	6. Social Training

Light hung his head. He didn't fully trust L. What could he do? That was just it, he didn't know what he could do. There were a lot of things he could use to get the message across, but he thought it would be best to stick with the plan he had already set in action.

"Try sitting again," he muttered. L nodded his head, and moved into an upright position. He scooted to the edge of the bed and hung his feet over the side.

"Better?" Light asked.

"Yes, thank you," L nodded. Light shrugged, indicating that it was no big deal.

"Good," Light said, "Now smile."

"Why?" L asked, raising an invisible eyebrow.

"Because normal people smile," Light stated.

"Yes, but I fail to see anything worth smiling about."

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" Light asked, smirking.

"Don't start," L pleaded.

"Just go with it, come on," Light prompted.

"Fine," L sighed, "I don't know, why did the chicken cross the road?"

"To get to the homosexual's house."

"That's not funny," L stated.

"There's more to this one," Light told him, "Okay, knock, knock?"

"Who's there?" L sighed.

"The chicken."

L smirked minutely.

"Oh, that one deserves a better reaction than that," Light pouted.

"What are you going to do about it?" L taunted.

"Tickle you," Light stated.

"Uh…"

"What?" Light asked.

"Well, see, I've never been tickled, as far as I can remember," L told him.

"Really?" Light was surprised.

L shook his head. Light smirked.

"Well, you'll never be able to say that again."

With that, Light jumped over L and ran his fingers quickly up and down his body, strictly for tickling purposes, of course.

"Light - ah - stop - god - stop it - haha - Light please - stop!"

"Jeez, you'd think I was raping you," Light chuckled, leaning away.

"No, that would not be possible," L said, straightening himself out.

"Ever why not?" Light asked coolly.

"Firstly, because it is against you morals to do such a thing," L stated dully.

"And…?"

"And secondly, because if you did desire sexual relief from me, it would most likely be consensual," L said, looking intently at the ceiling.

"_If_ I desired it?" Light smirked.

"Light, please just don't," L murmured.

"Uh - hey, Ryuuzaki, I was just joking around," Light said, startled by the sudden change in behavior.

"I know," L said.

"Then… why are you upset?" Light asked.

"You can really tell that much?" L asked, turning to him.

"Uh, what?"

"If we were in a room full of people, you're the only one who could tell I am upset. I have up enough of a barrier that the taskforce would not be able to read my emotions," L told him.

"You're like an open book to me, L," Light murmured, "It's like a language I've learned to speak from hearing it so much."

L looked into his eyes, as if searching to see how Light had come to understand him so well. Not finding his answer, he turned away.

"Call me Ryuuzaki," he reminded him.

"Ryuuzaki, L, Coil, Deneuve, Ryuuga, they're all fake!" Light burst, "And they all lead back to you. You're the person I want to talk to. Not one of your secret identities."

"Fine," L said, "You're talking to me. Call me whatever you like."

"I'm sorry."

"What?" L asked, confused as to what he was apologizing for.

"I'm sorry," Light repeated, "I'm saying this to you. I don't want you to be unhappy, and I'm sorry for all the things I've done to make you sad."

_All those people I killed… Sometimes I wonder if they had families…_

L pulled him into an awkward hug.

"I forgive you."

"What?" Light asked,

"I know you're not going to elaborate, but if you were Kira, I would forgive you for it," L said. Light simply leaned into his embrace.

"And, I know your stubbornness won't admit that it matters, but L forgives you too."

Light sighed and leaned contentedly into the embrace.

"So, can you smile now?"

"Probably," L sighed, leaning away and allowing his lips to twitch upwards around the edges. Light suddenly felt the strange need to make a high pitched noise, but did not follow through on the impulse.

"You look nice when you're not being emotionless."

"Thank you," L nodded.

"Hmmm…"

"What?"

"Just trying to think of a good next step in your social training."

"I believe we've done enough for today."

"I've got it!" Light smiled, ignoring L's comment.

L pouted.

"Okay, go get something to eat," Light told him.

"O- okay," L stuttered, feeling far too out of his element to decide what Light was about to do.

L stood up and left through the door and closed it behind him, hearing a muffled "stand up straight!" once he'd shut it. L allowed a small smile to spread across his face, and walked downstairs, not shifting his posture in the slightest. He walked into the storage room that he normally left Watari to attend to. He noticed upon entering that it was extremely cold inside.

_How does Watari not freeze in here?_

He made his way to the large metal door that closed off the freezer from the rest of the room, feeling his teeth begin chattering. He pulled a carton of simple vanilla ice cream off the shelves, observing just how many identical cartons adorned the shelves.

_Do I really eat that much?_

He left the freezer, and pulled chocolate syrup out of the cooler, along with a jar of maraschino cherries. A few minutes later, he returned to the room with a bowl of ice cream coated in chocolate and topped with two cherries. Light eyed it maliciously, but shrugged it off.

"I guess it'll have to do," he stated under his breath. L eyed him, contemplating his next move.

"Okay," Light sighed, holding out a spoon, "Eat it."

"This is what you wanted me to do?" L asked, smirking minutely.

"Yes," Light nodded, shoving the spoon into L's hand, "And I want you to eat it like a normal person."

L breathed out in mock exasperation, and seated himself in front of his desk.

"Pick up the cherries by the stems, and eat the rest of it with the spoon," Light instructed.

L did as he was told, acknowledging Light's subtle suggestions as they were said. Light could no longer find anything to criticize in the way L ate, he simply watched the way his lips closed around the spoon, sticking out ever so slightly as he removed it from his mouth. As Light felt an insistent heat pooling in his stomach, he forced himself to look away, thinking of anything and everything else.

"Light…?" L looked over at him, "Your face is red."

"Uh, well, it's just a little hot in here," he amended.

"Take off your jacket," L suggested. Light nodded, still refusing to make eye contact with him, and removed his jacket, laying it neatly on the bed so as not to wrinkle it. He felt himself beginning to calm down, slowly but surely.

"It doesn't seem to be working," L commented, moving in front of him, "Do you think you might still be sick?"

He placed his hand over Light's forehead, and watched with observant eyes as Light's blush returned ten-fold.

"Oh," L said, putting two and two together, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize…"

"No, it's okay, really," Light said, a little too fast to be convincing. L smiled, his lips pulling into a perfect half-circle.

"Well, if you say so," L continued. Light felt his face grow even hotter upon seeing L's eyes coming closer and closer to his face, observing a glint in them he hadn't seen before. Without giving Light any further time to react, L pressed his lips against Light's.

* * *

**Author's Note: So, I'm thinking about discontinuing this story... Just kidding, I'm not that cruel. Now, onto business. I love every review I've gotten so far, so thank you so much, for the the constructive criticism and compliments. I haven't received any flames at all. I would love it you kept it up, and if anyone has any guesses as to what Light's super secret plan is, I'd love to hear them!**


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